I am unlovable no more.

smilerI attended my second Identity Constellations workshop yesterday. For those new to this idea it may help to read I Remember It Well, parts one and two first in this blog.

Everything is confidential of course, however I can give you greater insights into the process as on this occasion I was taken through it. There may be two versions of my experience: one that most accords with the originator of the process, Franz Ruppert and the facilitator Kate Collier, and probably the other five fabulous participants. And then an “Angel” version which accords more with my worldview. A caveat (my seeming word of the month?). You don’t need to have my worldview to benefit from this truly magical experience.

My “intention statement” is the title of this blog post. I truly believe I am loved again but there is this nagging doubt which has to go. I’ve done a lot of work over the years to be at peace with my origins of being adopted.

The night before I was listening to “In the Living Years” by Mike and the Mechanics. This song has always touched me. But it really got to me and I thought it was about my rather distant relationship with my adoptive father. My beautiful lady seeing I was visibly upset came over and she had assumed (knew) my sadness was about never having met my biological father. Of course she was right, she is always right. Her words were of great comfort.

The next day I drove to Cheltenham, flying down the country lanes and dodging the aftermath of hurricane Thatcher. My SatNav was acting up too. But I got to the centre on time, full of anticipation and excitement about letting go of “stuff” that no longer served me or my relationship with my lady. Whilst I knew I would be taken through the process (numbers and the drawing of lots can prevent “randomly” any of the participants from going through it. There is not enough time for everyone in groups larger than 5 to participate fully), there was a nagging doubt I may not, probably the same nagging doubt I brought to Cheltenham.

There were six of us. I was first off. I wrote “I am unlovable no more” on the flip chart and then each word on five separate labels. I then went round the room handing the labels to the other five participants having asked them if they were willing to accept the word and play out, through resonance, the parts of me that longed for integration.

Like choosing a tarot card, you always get (my view) the perfect person to play the parts of:

  • I
  • Am
  • Unlovable
  • No
  • More

Which is exactly what happened.

Some (most?) times during these workshops there is a cathartic release. With the skill of the facilitator it is not anything dramatic, it is just a release. Having been through a similar process (though not as powerful) 25 years ago I am aware that my cathartic release is somewhat subdued compared to others. The whole point of Identity Constellation is to get out of your head and get into your feelings. I have and do resist doing this but I am more than capable of getting into my feelings when the situation requires.

What emerged?

  • A baby in the womb, surprise, surprise.
  • A massive, almost uncontrollable ego connected to a potential heart-damaging release.
  • A small, but loving heart.
  • A “part” who withdraws under extreme stress.
  • More…

It was as if a volatile mixture of my conscious and unconscious “parts” was being revealed and was unravelling before my eyes. I felt a range of emotions: frustration, indifference, love, rage, sadness, neglect and betrayal. The strongest negative emotions were reserved for my biological parents. My mother is still alive and lives in Florida, my father never wanted to know me in this incarnation. I thought I had processed all this and forgiven both of them. I think it would have been seen to be more helpful to me had I expressed my rage more fully. But I have been expressing my rage all my life in different forms. I don’t need some cataclysmic screaming and shouting to let it go.

Yes, I could have voiced the rage and the obscenities I felt towards my biological parents, but having run them through my mind, and I did feel them, I felt a sense of release. The person resonating with part of me that was “No” tapped into something I had always suspected, that my biological mother wanted to abort me. I have met her and I see no point in pursuing this. I would be surprised if she hadn’t done at the time. Whether she did or she didn’t is an irrelevance, the “truth” emerged during the constellation and it is something I had clearly buried or avoided.

My biological father passed many years ago. As I write this I feel a sense of peace and resolution. See postscript below.

It is difficult to remember everything that happens when you are taken through this process. It is a time of high emotion, of accessing things buried for years. After the session was over I was rather spaced out. I came with an intention of wanting to both know and feel that I was lovable. I have that. Beyond price.

If everyone in the world was to go through at least one Identity Constellation it would change humanity forever. Franz Ruppert’s contention is, and one which I agree with wholeheartedly, is that we all live in a traumatised world. By releasing our traumas individually we contribute to global change. We become authentically who we are, the goal of the process.

We are not our “surviving” selves. We are not our “traumatised” selves. We are our authentic, true selves. But of course we are the first two, unless we do something about it.

Until 25 years ago I spent far too long as my traumatised self. Though it wasn’t always obvious. The workshop yesterday helped me let go of a large part of my surviving (compromised, occasionally maladjusted and unfulfilled) self.

  • Speaking Angel.

To me there is no doubt that I would be taken through this. Even if I’d walked into a room of 20 people, I would have been taken through it. I also knew I would experience a release. I also know I am divinely guided.

It emerged during the process that I had been using “Divine Connection” as a means to avoid confronting my material reality. And this I would agree with. However nothing, no workshop of any quality will ever change my worldview about my divine connection.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. We can lose ourselves in spirit and ignore our material, emotional, physical and mental selves. Identity Constellation work is a process par excellence for removing the trauma of incarnation!

Another aspect of this. I have spent over 10 years and longer using the technology of The Healing Codes, which tap into the power of unconditional love to release trauma. I have seen this with hundreds of clients. However for some it doesn’t get deep enough and that is where identity constellation work comes in.

I’m a great believer in the power of the Divine, whatever that means to you who is reading this. It is a massive issue which would require scores of blog posts.

We all know people for whom any kind of quality therapeutic invention would massively improve their lives, but they strenuously resist it and go on in quiet desperation. At the other extreme we have those who spend far too long in therapy without taking action. The therapy itself almost hijacks the person’s life. And of course there are reasons for both.

There are some people who are so constituted as to be able to almost seamlessly emotionally process the most extreme difficulties. We need to learn from these people.

Can we “get rid of” the whole of our shadow (mostly our traumatised selves) during a lifetime? Is this something we should aspire to? The first step in any shadow work is to acknowledge we have one. There is no doubt that big parts of our shadow would benefit from the light. How much should we focus on releasing the trauma and how much should we focus on attracting, securing and experiencing unconditional love?

It is a personal choice but it is also a global issue.

  • In Conclusion.

If you are conscious of any trauma you wish to release, access Identity Constellations. If you have a nagging “splinter” in your mind or body, access Identity Constellations.

But take it from me, do whatever you can to attract or at least remove the barriers from connecting to your soulmate. This process can help anyone but what I get from my soul mate is more than beyond price. But whilst it is relatively easy to access identity constellations never give up on trying to find your soulmate.

I am truly loveable. And I have found the perfect person to show it. And can I show my feelings? Have a guess.

Jack Stewart, feeling richly blessed, Monday, 10 February 2020.

Postscript.

I subscribe to a belief, often a knowing, in the greatest good for everything. Whilst we might be spiritual beings having a human experience, we have to process what happens to us “here.” Feeling rage against the people I chose to create a vehicle for my soul is not a judgement but a necessary release of a negative emotion in my body.. From a spiritual perspective, how can I do anything but love my biological parents? Where would I be without them? I was unaware of this rage. It didn’t serve me. I don’t care what my parents did or didn’t do 67 years ago. They did what they did knowing what they did at the time. I no longer am carrying anything around about my adoption. I forgave them years ago. Nothing has changed about that. Feeling rage allowed me to move on. Rage no more!

This song, instead of filling me with sadness, now fills me with joy:

 

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