And So it Comes and So it Goes

Vanessa Beach
Vanessa, Athens 2016

In every heart there is a room, 
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past,
Until a new one comes along

Opening verse of And So It Goes by Billy Joel

Songs often pop into my awareness at the most interesting times. Some years ago I invariably heard a song relevant to clients when I was doing healing. It happens on the odd time these days.

Several people came to me before Vanessa’s funeral and at the wake and confessed that the whole experience was surreal, almost like a dream. There was a consensus that the service, given the extremely tragic and sad event, went superbly well. Vanessa planned her funeral and daughter Sam, aided by sister Livs and other family members turned it into something quite memorable. Remarkable.

Does anyone look forward to a funeral?

Is the death of a child too soon? Is the death of a life enhancing, vibrant earth angel at 61 too soon?

Yes to both in the “normal” scheme of things.

Births, marriages and deaths. Rituals are attached to all these significant life experiences. And thank God they are. I cannot imagine a funeral to which no one comes or a birth or marriage that isn’t celebrated. It is an opportunity for everyone connected to the baby, the couple and the deceased to come together and share, “manage” or release their emotions. They are notes about and of our personal history.

Here’s another cliché. We find out things at funerals we never knew about the person when they were alive. I knew my soul mate Vanessa for five years. She had 56 years of this incarnation before I showed up. And during those 56 years she had some fabulous times, was with, was friends with, and shared her life with some wonderful human beings. Her sister-in-law Cher and her ex-husband Gary spoke insightfully and very movingly about their times with her. As did Jonathan. And I’ve said it many times she touched everyone she met.

Yes it is rare indeed to meet someone for whom the word “purity” could have been her middle name.

It’s that time again, time to talk Angel. Vanessa has been with me for eternity. And although many of those present would find “Angel” a mystery at best, a distortion at worst, she has also been together with family and friends for a few incarnations too…

Last night Jonathan Brown linked with spirit and Anne Stewart came through. I’m still waiting for a more concrete communication from Vanessa, outside of the fact she is helping me in my healing work, but Vanessa taught me patience. If any of you reading this have been with your partner/husband/wife during a time you or they have been seriously ill you will know it places a massive strain on your relationship. We were no different. Unless you met your significant other during illness, the foundation of your love is usually based on health. And yes “in sickness and in health” is a vow I made. I take vows seriously. Take away joy, laughter, peace, shared interests and pursuits, and introduce pain, uncertainty, restriction and occasional despair and it is a recipe for tension. That it didn’t break us up is more of a tribute to the Vanessa than me. I just about managed to say these words:

“I’m told to love someone unconditionally is very rare in one lifetime.”

If I were to reflect I loved her unconditionally from the beginning. But don’t we all have our pride, our boundaries, lines that cannot be crossed and a ragbag of prejudices and irrational behaviours? Over a few issues I dug my heels in, and so did she. A rare uneasy truce, an uneasy peace. Some of you will know what’s coming next.

Yes they could have been resolved sooner, what couldn’t? But by the time Vanessa passed everything between us that had been an issue had gone. No I don’t have the answers but I do know our differences were not the cause or even a symptom of her passing.

Neale Donald Walsch comes to mind. Again. And many others. If it is our time to go, then heaven or Nosso Lar is supposed to be pretty special place. Being “down here” restricted and bed-ridden in the end. Which would you choose?

The song quoted at the beginning is a very sad song. It is about uncertainty, doubt and a failing relationship. From spirit, Anne confirmed Vanessa and I had gone close, very close on just one occasion to separation. I knew this of course. But I knew then and I know now we could never be apart. You don’t meet someone, someone truly exceptional, after 56 years or 56 lifetimes and let them go.

I am now truly grateful for every single relationship Vanessa had, be it two minutes to reassure a parent at work or to spend 20 years with her first husband. If you compare our backgrounds and lives before we met they are like night and day. But in terms of the way we both turned, and are turning in my case, out (compassionate, loving, caring, selfless) I like to think I was at least beginning to approach her as an equal.

It will probably take me at least 10 years to emulate your nature my precious, but it is something I am starting today.

Between now and when we meet again Vanessa you will always serve as my heroine, my role model and my eternal soul mate. When we first met you used to joke with your friends that women “needed a Jack,” a rather flattering reference to me. Well gorgeous, everyone on the planet needs a Vanessa.

‘til we meet again my friend, ‘til we meet again.

The last two lines of the Diana prayer. I closed my tribute to her with this.

Jack Stewart, September 12, 2019.

Oliver you were a wonderful friend to her. It would have been good to meet you years ago too.

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