By our Moscow correspondent live from Novichok Stadium.
“From 1945 to 1989, Porton (Down) exposed more than 3,400 human “guinea pigs” to nerve gas. It seems probable that Porton has tested more human subjects with nerve gas, for the longest period of time, than any other scientific establishment in the world.
Surely it is purely coincidence that Porton Down, Wiltshire, the state-run hellhole where human culling is routine, is 4 miles from Amesbury and 4 miles from Salisbury?
“It’s all yaw fault, you know, the scaremongrin,” says Les Gasson, 60, pointing a finger in my chest, before smiling broadly: “Vulgergrad, Nishhny Nowgrad, Kalangrad, Russia has been f—g brilliant.”
Les may not be the most articulate English fan, indeed the above quote sounds like lines from the Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, but the consensus seems to be that the Russians are anything but ignorant, warmongering, kvass addicted, nerve gas spraying, West-hating microbes. Yes Sting, the Russians do indeed love their children.
“Anthrax on my shirt
Boris May still lying
Russians they’re upskirt
The Brexit dream is dying
It’s coming home, it’s coming home, it’s coming
Bullshit’s coming home
It’s coming home, it’s coming home, it’s coming
Bullshit’s coming home”
I was reflecting this morning about the impact of political correctness. And yes we know how “Newspeak” has infiltrated our culture, and many of us are now reeling from the impact of identity politics. I suspect it will not be long-indeed it may have already happened-before the equivalent of anti-Semitism emerges from the killing fields of self-identification.
Criticism of a state that routinely murders opposition, a state that harbours genocidal zealots, immune from scrutiny as they utter racist bile “Behind every terrorist stand dozens of men and women, without whom he could not engage in terrorism. They are all enemy combatants, and their blood shall be on all their heads. Now this also includes the mothers of the martyrs, who send them to hell with flowers and kisses. They should follow their sons, nothing would be more just. They should go, as should the physical homes in which they raised the snakes. Otherwise, more little snakes will be raised there” is anti-Semitic.
Ayelet Shaked, Israeli “Justice” Minster, July 2014.
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But shack Ed is beautiful, so let us focus on that instead.
Back to my script. Focusing on someone’s race, if the person doing the focusing is bigoted, leads everyone conveniently into stereotyping. Black men this, white women that, chinks this, dagos that. What’s missing here is the word “all.” So when we encounter an Italian, a dago, like every one of his compatriots, he is a coward. Copyright “Dad’s Army” 1914.
Of course this applies to almost all labels applied to groups. In the 80’s I was privileged to be part of an enlightened group of people working for Manchester City Council. Our brief was to create, promote and maintain policies and practices which liberated minority groups (specifically relating to race, sexuality and disability) who lived and worked in the city from all kinds of oppression. I believe we made great progress. However I do remember a discussion, led by very talented senior officer, a champion of gay rights. Those engaged in the discussion seemed to believe (this was the 80’s) such was the oppression of being gay that if you were gay you could do no wrong. The discussion took a different turn however when I reminded those present that many senior Nazis were openly gay.
I declare myself to be an androgynous, asexual citizen of the world who currently is slightly brown owing to being out in the sun too much without the “protection” of carcinogenic suncream.
Inadvertently I may be, by exploring these seemingly unrelated threads, coming up with a solution to all the world’s problems. We are told that the world is overpopulated (here’s another eugenicist mantra which can be easily dismantled. Perhaps for another time), and that carbon dioxide emissions may be fatal (what do trees and plants do? Absorb carbon dioxide, give out oxygen. In case you have been reading too much of the mainstream media lately oxygen is what we humans breathe in) and that we are all going to hell in a hand cart.
Football fans have never been popular amongst the chattering classes. I’m not sure how many you can get in a 60,000+ seater stadium-on the pitch I’m talking about-but surely some evil genius could be seconded from Porton Down, dressed in a Cossack uniform and dispatched here to Novichok.
Now I know it was Goebbels (or was it Goering? They were both pretty hot on these things. The picture above is of one of them) who said tell the people a big enough lie and they will believe it but this particular conspiracy doesn’t need spelling out. Is it surely becoming clear now?
We hate the Russians, we’re not keen on football fans, nerve agents have their uses (and we have surplus stocks in Wiltshire), the British state is above suspicion, and Boris Johnson has left the building.
It’s a wonderful, wonderful life. It would still be good to see England in the World Cup final. Unlike Graham Taylor, who dreamed as a young lad about managing England at the World Cup, missing from his dream was England winning it.
Sergei Skripal, for Bullshit News, Novichok, July 11, 2018.
Did I ever tell you I spent two weeks on an NLP training course in Zvenigorod (the town where the Nazi advance was halted in 1944), 80 kms from Moscow nearly 20 years ago? I wonder what would’ve happened had the Russians been defeated.
This article will be banned under the British Under La-La Land Shining Hiatus Invective Treaty, 2025. Wait for it…